Funny the Electric Company 2 Part Words
How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?
Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.
Two Jews die and wait outside the pearly gates.
While waiting they realise that they both survived the same concentration camp.
After some chatting, one says to the other: "remember that time when the guard pushed you onto the electric fence and you almost died?" A second of silence passes and suddenly they both start laughing hysterically.
Upon calming down the other Jew asks his new friend: "remember when that dog chased you for so long that you ended up exhausted and almost died of hunger?" Another second of silence passes and again, they both start laughing like crazy.
God, overhearing the conversation, approaches the old Jewish couple and asks them what's so funny about any of these events.
They both look up and say: "Oh you wouldn't understand, you just had to be there".
A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father,may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for
me? Under your robes perhaps?
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her..
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!
What's the best thing about having Parkinson's?
Never having to buy another electric toothbrush.
Snow wife.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.
Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Sam walks into his boss's office.
Sir, I'll be straight with you, I know the economy isn't great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.
After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5 per cent raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.
By the way , asks the boss as Sam is getting up, which three companies are after you?
The electric company, water company, and phone company , Sam replied.
If electricity always follows the path of least resistance
Why doesn't lightning only strike in France?
Where do electricians get supplies?
The Ohm Depot.
What is an electricians favorite type of news
Current events
I got an electric shock yesterday.
I couldn't resist it
I told my boss 3 companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my present job.
He asked which 3 were interested. I said the gas, electric and cable.
You can explore electric fords reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean electric generator dad jokes. There are also electric puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why did the police beat the black man after he was executed in the electric chair?
He was resisting.
Three engineers are debating what kind of engineer designed the human body
The first says "It has to be an electric engineer! The nervous system resembles some fantastic electrical work!"
The second says "It was obviously a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints throughout the human body."
The third says "It was a civil engineer! Who else would put a waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Why did Mr Ohm marry Mrs Ohm?
Because he couldn't resistor.
I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me...
He asked me which companies and I told him, "The gas, electric, and cable ones"
EAR ACCIDENT
A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
Criminal on the electric chair. The officer ask: Any last wishes?
The criminal: Please hold my hand...
An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why...
He said he couldn't resist.
Two electricians are up on a pole
A granny walks by. One of the electricians shouts at the granny:
— Hey grandma, can you hold that cable that's on the ground next to you for a bit, please?
The granny picks up the cable. The same electrician then states to the other:
— Told you it was the ground.
Why do electricians wear pants?
Because they hate shorts.
Court decision: "I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair......
....what happens next will shock you."
Elon Musk was born in South Africa, and made an electric car. What if he had been born in Madagascar?
He would have made a gas car
An electrician comes home at 2 am....
His wife asks, "wire you insulate?"
He replies, "watt's the problem, I'm ohm aren't I?"
A priest asks the murderer at the electric chair....
-"Do you have any last requests?
-"Yes,can you please hold my hand?"
A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?
A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. Yes, replied the murderer. Will you hold my hand?
I opened my water and electric bills simultaneously...
Needless to say, I was shocked.
My roommate is really dedicated to dental hygiene
just last night I heard her using an electric toothbrush for what seemed like an hour
Two electric windmills are standing in a field.
One turns to the other and asks "What kind of music do you like?" The second one replies "I'm a huge metal fan".
My girlfriend doesn't think I can think fix the electric shower.
Well, she's in for a shock.
I'm so much in debt, I can't afford to pay my electric bill...
These are the darkest days of my life...
You have been charged guilty for clickbait, and will now have to use the electric chair
What happens next will shock you
What do electrical engineers call their friends?
Ohmies
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday…
My neighbor is dead against it…
I went to my boss at work and said, "I need a raise. Three other companies are after me."
He said, "Really? Which companies are after you?"
I said, "The electric company, the utilities company and the phone company."
My electricity bill was running suspiciously high
Had the power company send someone over. He found a wire tapped into my house running to a neighbor's. Watt do you know, a Joule thief lives next to my Ohm.
An electrician was working at an apartment when he got electrocuted.
He died before he even knew watts up.
Why do Hanzo players have such high electric bills?
They never switch off.
Judge: "You have been found unanimously guilty of using clickbait, and I sentence you to death by electric chair."
What happens next will shock you.
I bought a new set of Electric Garden Trimmers.
They're cutting-hedge technology.
Tesla is considering releasing a line of electric buses named after Egyptian gods.
It'll be A-new-bus.
An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an IT admin are in a car that won't start.
Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."
Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."
IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."
My friend was a violent serial killer...
Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.
Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"
A murderer is to be executed by electric chair and the priests asks if he has any last request.
The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.
What did the electrician say when he electrocuted himself?
That Hertz!
I told my boss he better give me a raise because three other companies were currently after me. He didn't believe me and asked which ones.
Gas, electric, and water.
When a Tesla drifts,
It's called the electric slide
Two atoms are walking back home together...
One of the atom stumbles and falls
Atom: ouch, I think I just lost an electron.
Atom 2: are you sure?
Atom: I'm positive.
I saw an electrician accidentally electrocuting himself today; you might say he was...
killed.
An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a civil engineer are discussing the nature of God
"God is an electrical engineer" says the EE. "Look at the nervous system! It's all electrical impulses."
"Nonsense," says the ME. "God's a mechanical engineer. Look at the muscles and bones. That's mechnical engineering."
The civil engineer demurs.
"God is a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipe through the middle of a recreational area?"
A maestro is convicted of murdering his wife, and sentenced to die in the electric chair.
On the night of the execution, he is strapped into the chair and they pull the switch. Nothing happens.
Thinking it must be a power supply problem, they turn off all the lights in the prison and try again. Still nothing.
They turn out all the lights in the town and try again. Nothing.
So, they let him go because he was such a poor conductor.
Today i got a wage increase unexpectedly.
I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5 % raise.
Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, By the way, which companies are after you? I responded, The gas, electric and cable company.
What do an electrician and a mortician have in common?
They're both shocked when they touch a live one.
An electrician comes home late....
Wife: "Wire you insulate?"
Electrician: "Watts it to you? I'm ohm, aren't I."
Electricians have to strip to make ends meet
Shocking i know
Have you heard about Ford's new electric coffee car?
It's the Mach-E Auto.
Two electricians are standing on a ladder leaned against a utility pole...
...when an elderly lady was passing below them. One of the electricians calls her.
\- Excuse me, ma'm! Could you pass us that wire, so we don't have to climb down?
\- This one, young man?
\- Yes, that one! Thank you so much, ma'm, you're very kind!
\- No problem, dear!
After the lady passed him the wire, and left, the electrician tells his mate:
\- See, Fred? I told you this was the neutral wire, but no, you had to insist that it was the phase line!
Before Elon Musk got into electric cars...
... he was plain old Lon Musk
How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to turn on an electric chair?
Ten. But number four will shock you.
I have the eyes of an artist, the mind of a scientist, the hands of a pianist, and the heart of a child.
Now I'm getting the electric chair after I was caught trying to get the liver of a politician.
[First Date] Her: I'm instantaneously attracted to men with power.
Me: Nice. I just paid my electric bill.
I told my boss that three companies were after me, so I needed a raise in pay to stay in my current job. He asked which companies?
I told him the gas, electric, and phone companies.
How many Buzzfeed employees does it take to operate an electric chair?
10, but 4 will shock you.
When I was a boy, my dad gave me money to go downtown and pay the electric bill
But instead, I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a new truck.
I told my dad when I got home and he beat my ass.
The next morning, however, there was a brand new truck in the driveway.
We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from the electric company there to turn off the lights.
So dad beat my ass again
An alligator asked an electric eel, hey, can I touch you?
Electric eel: Yes, but I'd have to charge you.
A murderer was secured to the electric chair, about to be executed.
The chaplain approached him and asked, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Would you hold my hand?"
Where do electricians go when their job is done?
They go h-ohm.
What do you call an electric car that isn't moving?
Static
When I was a boy my dad gave me money....
When I was a boy my dad gave my money to go downtown and pay the electric bill but instead I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a truck. I told my dad when I got home and he beat my ass but the next morning in the driveway sat a new truck. We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from electric company there to turn the lights off.
....Dad beat my ass again ....
I put up an electric fence around my house.
My neighbor is dead against it.
Why was the dolphin sent to the electric chair?
He was found guilty of crimes against a manatee.
The executioner asks for any last words:
A man is sat in the electric chair, and the executioner asks for any last words.
The man sitting in the chair responds: "I won't be shocked if this dosen't work"
Why don't electricians wear underwear?
They hate shorts.
So my kid was eating electric cables
So I had to ground him until he conducts better
What is the electrician favorite breakfast?
Ohm-lette
My dad's an electrician
And most people are shocked by how much he charges.
With great power…
comes a great electric bill.
Why did Madagascar decide to go fully electric with their vehicles?
Because with these gas prices, they're mad at gas cars.
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Source: https://jokojokes.com/electric-jokes.html
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